


Selections Of E-mails Received By Maria Hill, Deputy Director, SHIELD.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: E-mail, Epistolary, Gen, Microsoft Outlook, More Joy Day, No Attempt At Canon Compliance Made, SHIELD is a government agency, Shenanigans, The Banality Of SHIELD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:04:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9412952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: Please sign off on these performance appraisals ASAP. "I'm on a mission from God" only goes so far, Maria.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts).



> [As requested by tielan for More Joy Day.](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/956664.html?thread=6053368#cmt6053368) If a name isn't obviously from the movies, it came from a random name generator, not me actually doing research into comics canon, or any canon whatsoever. I played slightly (erm, a lot) with formatting in hopes it would make the e-mail threads clear; my work Outlook, at least, doesn't format threads like this. *sad face* This is possibly also the part where I mention that, many years ago, I did actually get an out of office from someone saying they were out hiking the back 40, with no other context.

**From:** Oswaldo, Lenny (HR)  
**Sent:** Tuesday, January 05, 2010 3:30 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Re: New USAJOBS posting  
**Importance:** High

Maria, no.  
-L

 

 _Lenny Oswaldo_  
Human Resources Specialist  
Phone: (703) 5555-9002 ext 435  
Email: lenny.oswaldo2@shield.gov  
How was your HR experience today? Please take a few moments to complete the HR Customer Service Satisfaction Survey at this link: HR Survey. Your responses are anonymous.

 

>Can we extend this posting?  
>M.

 

>>Posting extended one more week. But this is the last time. I mean it.  
>>-L  
>> _Lenny Oswaldo_  
>>Human Resources Specialist  
>>Phone: (703) 5555-9002 ext 435  
>>Email: lenny.oswaldo2@shield.gov  
>>How was your HR experience today? Please take a few moments to complete the HR Customer Service Satisfaction Survey at this link: HR Survey. Your responses are anonymous.

 

>>>Got your voicemail re: only 5 applications. Can you extend?  
>>>M.

 

>>>>[Posted.]() Maria, this is the fourth time. Tell Nick to lower his standards, or open up the eligibility.  
>>>>-L  
>>>> _Lenny Oswaldo_  
>>>>Human Resources Specialist  
>>>>Phone: (703) 5555-9002 ext 435  
>>>>Email: lenny.oswaldo2@shield.gov  
>>>>How was your HR experience today? Please take a few moments to complete the HR Customer Service Satisfaction Survey at this link: HR Survey. Your responses are anonymous.

 

>>>>>Nick hates everyone on the cert. Please re-post.  
>>>>>M.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Rogers, Steven G.  
**Sent:** Wednesday, February 10, 2010 11:30 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Re: Out of Office: Donuts in the conference room

Sorry, it's off now. :(

Very respectfully,  
Steven Grant Rogers

 

>Steve, turn your out of office off.  
>M.

>>I am out of the office on official travel, returning on or around January 29th, and will have limited access to e-mail. For urgent matters, please contact Abram Widmar at extension 113 and he will pass along your message. Otherwise, I will respond to your e-mail when I return.  
>>Very respectfully,  
>>Steven Grant Rogers

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Romanova, Natalia  
**Sent:** Saturday, March 27, 2010 09:43 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Drinks tonight?  
**Importance:** Low

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Saturday, March 27, 2010 05:23 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Romanova, Natalia; Nightengale, Augusta; Tesch, Billie  
**Subject:** Re: Fwd: Drinks tonight?

Just remember that Ladies Night is not an approved activity on government property. Hide the bottles better this time. Stop throwing them into the ocean. We've gotten five environmental complaints so far _this month_.

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Resetar, Emilio  
**Sent:** Monday, August 02, 2010 08:00 AM  
**To:**  
**Subject:** Annual physical  
**Importance:** High

If you are receiving this e-mail, you are due for your annual physical in August. Please schedule at your earliest convenience. 

 

Clinic times:  
M, W, F 0600-1600  
Tu, Th 0800-1800  
Sat, Sun call for availability

Clinic walk-in hours:  
M, Th 0900-1100

 

 _New!_ Long-term missions can be accommodated. Please provide two weeks warning. Always encrypt e-mails involving personal medical information.

Thanks,  
Emilio Resetar  
Clinic Operations, Employee Health

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Beauford, Virgil (Privacy)  
**Sent:** Thursday, April 08, 2010 07:12 AM  
**To:** SHIELD LEADERSHIP  
**Subject:** Privacy Walk-Through Next Week  
**Importance:** High

The privacy officers will be doing a surprise full walk-through of all areas next week, see attached. Please ensure that no other surprise drills are scheduled for this time.

Sincerely,  
Virgil Beauford  
Privacy Office, SHIELD

_Remember! Always check someone's ID, even if you've "seen them around"._  
_Do you know your privacy officers?_ [Download our flyer]()

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Lagergren, Antoine Richard  
**Sent:** Monday, April 26, 2010 08:43 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director); Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**CC:** SHIELD HR ADMIN  
**Subject:** Performance Appraisals  
**Importance:** High

Mid-year performance appraisals are overdue. Please sign and submit ASAP.

Nick, some of the departments have not yet even submitted performance plans for this fiscal year. We rely on leadership to lead by example. Please talk to Fiscal about this. They've stopped returning our e-mails.

Phil, I know he's busy saving the world, but we actually do need Captain America's performance plan on the record, so you can give him an accurate rating at the end of the year. 

Maria, "I'm on a mission from God" only goes so far. Please revise and resubmit.

Thanks,  
Richard

 

_A. Richard Lagergren_  
Director, SHIELD Human Resources  
Antoine.Lagergren@Shield.gov | Office: (202) 555-6980 | Blackberry: (703) 555-8113 | Fax: (202) 555-1983  
How was your HR experience today? Please take a few moments to complete the HR Customer Service Satisfaction Survey at this link: HR Survey. Your responses are anonymous.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Jeffery Scherrman, FedBenefits4You  
**Sent:** Friday, May 14, 2010 03:07 PM  
**To:** maria.hill4@shield.gov  
**Subject:** [External] Do you know your federal benefits?

[Message not shown due to security error. Please contact IT to see this message.]

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Tuesday, June 08, 2010 04:28 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Re: Phil

On it.

 

>He's back from newbie training on the 9th. We could set an ambush for the monthly staff meeting.  
>M.

 

>>Phil's birthday Friday. We doing anything?  
>>Nick Fury  
>>E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
>>P: (202) 555-8354  
>>F: (202) 555-9003  
>>Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Sitwell, Jasper  
**Sent:** Tuesday, June 22, 2010 11:38 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Out of Office: Needs your signature

I'm out hiking the back 40 and will return Monday.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Romanova, Natalia  
**Sent:** Sunday, July 18, 2010 12:50 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Re: Your Expense Report - Action Needed

Can we requisition better laptops for the field?

Natasha

 

>FYI: your PDF got corrupted. Please send a working version to Fiscal by end of day, CC me.  
>M.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Wehrsig, Luann  
**Sent:** Wednesday, July 28, 2010 03:12 PM  
**To:** SHIELD HELICARRIER ALL STAFF  
**Subject:** Re: Floor Waxing

STOP REPLYING-ALL

 

>Please add me to the unsubscribe list, thanks!

 

>>I move that all future alerts of this nature be set to No Reply. Any seconds?

 

>>>Stop replying all.

 

>>>>Guys, this is the all staff group. No one is going to unsubscribe you unless you get transferred. Think for a moment.

 

>>>>>Stop replying all.

 

>>>>>>UNSUBSCRIBE

 

>>>>>>>Speaking as someone who LIKES the signs, please keep them.  
>>>>>>>Have a nice day,  
>>>>>>>Hayden Bubert, PhD

 

>>>>>>>>I also want to unsubscribe.  
>>>>>>>>Thanks!  
>>>>>>>>Carman Capen

 

>>>>>>>>>Please unsubscribe me.

 

>>>>>>>>>>Stop replying all. 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>Were you not here last time? C'mon man.  
>>>>>>>>>>>~Brooks  
>>>>>>>>>>>Send all engineering tickets to SHIELD HELICARRIER ENGINEERING

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>Do we really need signs? Surely we can tell when a floor's been waxed.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>Very respectfully,  
>>>>>>>>>>>>Gene Tytler  
>>>>>>>>>>>>Contracting and Acquisitions

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>There will be floor waxing this Sunday on all decks of the Helicarrier. Appropriate signage will be posted. Please exercise caution.  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Apply all questions and comments to Annita Klossner, Administrative Officer, Facilities Management

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Barthold, Tomi W. (OPM)  
**Sent:** Wednesday, August 18, 2010 01:19 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**CC:** Fury, Nicholas (Director); SHIELD HR ADMIN  
**Subject:** Position Classification

Hi, Maria. Can we talk this week about the PDs for your Avengers Initiative? I think it would be good if we all sat down together to straighten this out.

If you don't have them on hand, [here are the position descriptions that were submitted back in September.]()

-Tomi

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Barton, Clinton  
**Sent:** Monday, August 30, 2010 06:21 AM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**CC:** Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Re: Out today

He's okay. My wallet's not. Vet bills. :(

 

>OK. Hope the dog's doing better.  
>M.

 

>>Maria,  
>>Got Phil's out of office.  
>>Letting you know I'm taking the dog to the vet and won't be in today. I'll call in to the 1400 briefing. No anticipated impact on the mission.  
>>CB

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:20 PM  
**To:** SHIELD ALL STAFF  
**CC:** SHIELD EDUCATION  
**Subject:** Yearly Mandatory Trainings  
**Importance:** High

Your yearly mandatory trainings are due on September 30th. On October 1st, IT will start disabling access.

Don't be the guy who has to bring in three kinds of identification and get fingerprinted again, all because you couldn't read a calendar.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:23 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: EEOC

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:25 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: OIG Report for your review

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:26 PM  
**To:** SHIELD LEADERSHIP  
**Subject:** Fwd: Be Prepared For Annual Use-Or-Lose, Put Your Leave Requests In Early!

FYI. Last minute leaves won't be approved.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:26 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: The Paperwork Reduction Act  & You

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:30 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: Upcoming Department of Defense visit

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:31 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: Revised Alias Regulations

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:37 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: New executive briefing powerpoint template and guidance

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:38 PM  
**To:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director); Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Fwd: Important! New blackberry security update

FYI.

 

Nick Fury  
E: nicholas.fury@shield.gov  
P: (202) 555-8354  
F: (202) 555-9003  
Send all meeting requests to Mervin Doan, who handles my calendar, and all Congressional inquiries to Billie Tesch in Legal.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **From:** Coulson, Phil (Deputy Director)  
**Sent:** Monday, September 13, 2010 03:43 PM  
**To:** Fury, Nicholas (Director)  
**CC:** Hill, Maria L. (Deputy Director)  
**Subject:** Welcome back, Nick

Please stop forwarding us your entire inbox.

-Coulson


End file.
